Sunday, 30 November 2014

How To: Cope When You Feel Alone



It's very easy to feel ignored by family and friends. I've found that communication is key. No one can read your mind, they don't know what you need or want at a particular moment. That's why actions speak louder than thoughts/musings/ideas.

Feeling ignored was intensified for me when I was in hospital. The hospital I was at was a bad one (my brother and I have since been transferred to another hospital thankfully) and I mostly got through my stay through dreams and memories in my head. My family did come to see me most nights and that was really lovely and a relief to see a familiar face. I was horrible when I was in hospital though. I'm so lucky to have the family I do, to put up with me in a mood all the time; I wouldn't have, I would've scarpered and never come back. So thank you to all my family for putting up with me at that time. I must have been a nightmare.

I know it's very difficult to believe you're not alone when you think you are. I know that oh too well. Sometimes I feel left behind by events that go on in other people's lives and I'm left thinking, 'Why can't that happen to me?' And the simple truth is the timing isn't right. But that's not very easy or nice medicine to swallow. But you're not going to meet others or interact with anyone if you're curled up in your room feeling sorry for yourself. Obviously with the invention of the internet in the 21st century you are reachable at anytime - and it is hopefully less likely you feel alone. But I do know what it is like when you see all your friends online and you don't want to annoy them or bring them down with your troubles or issues. But I have learned that real friends won't mind. If you're feeling down about something please share it with someone - even if it's onomously on a website or something - you'll feel much better when it's out for the world or a close friend to devour and say 'no you're being silly' or the infamous 'everybody feels like that sometimes'.

You might have sent messages to one person and you can see they're online but they haven't replied. I know how annoying that is. I try to look at it like this: although they might not be able to reply instantly - they're busy, they have their own lives to worry about - and they will contact you when you need them. And that is true. Hard as it is to believe. I recently went through a little trouble with a guy and I messaged a guy friend of mine just to help me clear the fog that this other guy had thrown into the mix. Yet when I woke up the next day I could see clearly and it turned out I actually hadn't needed that help - which was good because he hadn't replied. It took me quite a while to learn not to message a boy I fancied every two seconds - actually this ended up with one of my many university crushes actually blocking me - but now I'm definetly more relaxed. If they are friends of yours - they will reply when they can - but please don't despair if it isn't instant.

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 26 November 2014

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 23

Jamie woke up at 4.00am. He was quite disorientated and took about fifteen minutes to remember where he was. He never stayed with anyone else, so to have woken up on a couch with sunlight sliding through the blinds was quite a shock for him. It was an usual occurance. Before images of last night floated to him, he wondered who's flat he had slept in. They must be a close friend. Memories flashed through his mind and he remembered where he was. Oh sweet Ellie must have let him stay. How sweet! He was rather glad she didn't know how he felt about her, unless he had confessed it in the night. But that would include sleepwalking to her room, and he didn't sleepwalk. He wouldn't tell her consciously.

He went to the bathroom and did the necessaries and peeked around the door where Ellie was peacefully sleeping. She was so beautiful. If only he could reach in to touch her face or stroke her hair, but he knew that'd wake her up. Those thoughts buzzed in his head from the moment he saw her. He stole himself away gently pulling the door to it's orginal position. He saw a notelet on the kitchen side and decided to leave one for Ellie. That way he could get across to his, jump in the shower and make himself presentable before work.


Hey Ellie, thanks for letting me stay, I'll call you tonight. J.
He thought he'd better get out of her hair. He had no idea what girls' did in the morning. It had been a long time since his university days. And they'd on occassion consist of sneeking out of a girls room before she woke up too.

Sunday, 23 November 2014

How To: Find 'You' Time

Sometimes you just have to grit your teeth and do something that you find far from enjoyable. Or something like an obstacle will rock up, just not with this particular title, which means they are harder to spot, but basically mean you'll have to deal with the resultations of this before you can go on and do anything else. The way I play this is putting something really fun at the other end.
Whenever I finish the pain-staking task, I always make sure I have some 'me' time. I know some people say 'Girl live in the real world, nobody has time for 'me' time' and I admit I haven't yet had the opportunity to make it out into the real world, I'm still more-or-less burrowed with hardly any responsibilities and getting things done for me because my parents think it's easier. But something I've learnt throughout my life is to make time. This does not mean staying up late to make time for yourself, because you need the right amount of sleep for yourself as much as making time for yourself on a daily basis. It only needs to be five minutes, any time you can grab, it is so important to have time for yourself.

Turn your music on and up loud, listen through headphones or anything when you need to get away from the world. A relaxing bath is often the answer at the end of the day. You can opt for soft music or not, a book to take with you or nothing at all. It's a good place to think and is good for your body too. You may have to change some personal habits to make this possible. Make these changes slowly. Then if it falls into place, it can be. Don't force it. But from recent evaluations I've found this is the most popular past time for some 'me' time.

You might decide it's not for you. That's fine. Just make sure you do find some 'you' time though. Whether it's listenin g to your music at full volume or otherwise. That particular way is my 'me' time as the only bathtub in the house is upstairs and by the evening I am too tired to get my lump of a body upstairs carefully. I have a shower in the mornings at home and get my exercise by walking the wet wheelchair I use back to the bathroom.

Wednesday, 19 November 2014

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 22



Ellie leant on her hands and made a snap decision.

'Would you like to come back to mine?' It was only about 10pm but she considered that Jamie had had a bit of a tough day. He probably wouldn't like to traspe all the way back to his. 'Would you mind?' Jamie asked. He looked drained. 'I'll probably just fall asleep,' he told her as he prepared for the outside weather. Coat on, he smiled and thanked Ellie for the thousandth time in a minute. 'I just couldn't have faced going back to mine tonight y'know?' he warbled as they made their way out of the bar. He recounted the story of Kate to Ellie as they went and rode the lift up to her apartment.

'And I was like whoa...' he went on as she searched for her keys in her bag. She got them out, unlocked the door and Jamie went in and headed straight for the couch. His story hadn't finished. It was like he'd just left Ellie in the lurch. He must be so tired, she thought before she wheeled over the threshold of her own flat. She was fine not knowing the end of the story as there was only about a minute in his retelling before she had seen the situation herself. She called Kel to tell her that Jamie was staying over so when she got home she hopefully wouldn't be too loud. Ellie was fine with her loudness as she had grown used to it but Jamie's housemate, Jeff was doubtfully like Kel.

'Hey Kel, Jamie is staying over tonight,' she told the phoneline from the bathroom. She had come to do the neccessities before bed and realised that she needed to call Kel to let her know of the situation. 'Fast work!' was the response from Kel.

'Not like that! Honestly . . . he's staying on the sofa,' Ellie pushed the door a touch. There, she had a view of Jamie lying like a baby on the sofa, already fast asleep. His legs were tucked under his chin. He looked cute. 'Ok, I'll be quiet when I get back,' Ellie pulled the door to after a few seconds of watching him and jumping at Kel's voice, realising she was still on the phone. 'I'll see you later,' Kel told her snapping her out of her fantasy world and hung up.

'Ok,' Ellie said to a dead line.

*Hope you like the story so far!  What's going to happen next? You tell me! What would you like to see happen? Please let me know! Thanks.

Steph

XxX*

Sunday, 16 November 2014

How To: Not Blame Others (Priorities)

Everybody's different. Everyone has different priorities and though you feel yours is the most important at this space in time, no one sees life from your position. Don't blame others for thinking something else is more important to them. I have been through this. The situation called for me to keep quiet. I couldn't shut myself away in my room at the time, so I just buried my head in the sand as it were, letting this person do what they 'had to do' and answered questions when they were directed at me. It's hard and not nice to realise, but it's not about you half of the time. It's like taking cough syrup, not nice but you must swallow it to get better. It is not easy to realise and you might not want to but you must. Things go on inwardly and outwardly that can change everything. It's not something you've done wrong by that person, it's just that sometimes some priorities are bigger for some people, and the smaller issues get pushed under the rug or forgotten about. There are things that go on in this life that are greater than you. Sometimes you just need to accept that not everything is about you. Although your world revolves around you, everybody else's revolves around them too. Their barriers are different to yours. And because they are, their priorities differ to yours.

I hope this makes sense and helps someone!

Steph

XxX

Thursday, 13 November 2014

People Do Help Others

'No one notices what I do until I stop doing it'
In many cases this is true, because unfortunately it is people who kick up against something who are remembered. It is very hard to be a level-headed person in this world and be noticed. It is the bad press that gets more publicity than the good. That is very sad. There are more good people out there than the news would have you believe. Not everyone do help other people because they don't know if it is their place to interfere or assist. Often people don't think further than A to B and if they see someone struggling they think 'well, it's not my issue.' Often, it seems you have to walk this world alone. But you can be sure, someone else has faced as well. Maybe not in the same capacity as you, maybe not to the extent that you have but someone else has been in that position. Of course, not with the past history that you have dealt with and dealt with well as it has brought you this far on your journey. There are people who do understand if you only seek them out. Now I've not been through much of what the world has to throw at me, but I'm hoping that as I go through it and get through it (if I do) I can at least offer inspiration or you can try a method I've suggested perhaps? I haven't studied psychology I only did a writing course at uni, where I decided to write a self-help short novel and enjoyed writing about the things I'd been through and trying to help other people. I feel like the quote suggests about my blog. I don't think I get the credit that running this blog always deserves. But I don't see any reason to stop it. While I'm still fit, healthy and living I will continue to post because what I love doing is helping people. And I can't get my word out in much of a better way than writing this.

Steph

XxX

Thank you for reading.

Wednesday, 12 November 2014

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 21

They were now considered regulars at The RoundHead, the bar which they drank in weekly. Well, Ellie was anyway. She had turned up with the same guy nine times out of ten. 'The usual thanks Nat!' Jamie told the barmaid before returning to the table that Ellie had spotted with two brimming drinks. Jamie set them on the table before pulling a chair out of Ellie's way and pulling one out for himself. 'So how is work?' Ellie asked, hoping this would cause Jamie to divulge what had happened this evening.
'It's OK thanks, how's yours?' Jamie asked. Ellie tried to catch his eye, but seemingly he was more interested in the bottom of his glass.

'It's good thanks, though the Christmas build-up is always an intense time!' Ellie smiled and Jamie couldn't tell if it was fake or genuine. He looked up at her eyes as a genuine smile causes happiness wrinkles to form just beneath them. He wasn't sure if the laughter lines were in the same place. He assumed they must be. Her eyes were bright and it turned out she was genuinely smiling. His light blue eyes were looking troubled.

'Why?' he asked.

'Well everyone wants their book published before Christmas, so that they can have their book out beforehand, so I'm having to judge them after reading the first paragraph, and if I lose interest halfway through I just leave it, we have so many books to cover...' Ellie sighed. Jamie knew why Ellie partook in Tall's job so heavily. After all, it wasn't in her work description. Her work role originally was just to be a secretary. But she took all the book reading on because that is where she flourishes. And she hopes to run her own bookshop in the future.

He nodded, understanding. Things were always hell before Christmas, and he appreciated that. His work was intense too. Everyone wanted to get to the Speciawl Christmas Party they were throwing and he still had to sort out the speciaql guest. Kate was barking at him to get that done...Kate...oh he really didn't want to think about her. He downed his first pint. Ellie was taking her time, only halfway down her glass.

'I'll go get another one,' Jamie mumbled, stalking off. He caught Ellie off guard. She hadn't even realised he'd finished.

*Where is it going to go from here? I don't have a clue, so if you could help me out with ideas, that'd be great! Thank you for reading. Hope you're enjoying the story!

Steph

XxX*

Sunday, 9 November 2014

How To: Know Anyone Is Admirable

'You don't know how many people you are inspiring by being you.' Inspiration for this post came from Judge Cheryl Fernadez-Versini on X Factor.

I think this is true of anybody. Everybody has a reason, big or small, to want to hide away. It may be something you have to conquer daily which for most of us is the case. The troubles I have are noticeable and in case you don't know or have forgotten, I am in a wheelchair. The things I conquer or achieve on a daily basis are quite obvious.

You don't know how many people are looking up to you, because of how you look, the enthusiadsm you inspire in others, your drive, your power etc. There are so many reasons people could see you as a role model and they're not always for reasons you'd expect.

For instance, a few years ago, I admired someone I saw at a football match. Anyone who knows me knows football and sport in general is not my favourite past-time. But, I was at this game, much to my dis-satisfaction and I saw this girl who was seemingly clapping at the opportune moments of the game. I kept my eye on her throughout - clapping and cheering when she did. I didn't know this person but she did the right things at the right time. She was the example I based myself on at that football match.

So although people may be far from perfect in their endeavours, people are always looking for someone, a example, to base themselves on. If only at first.

Steph

XxX

Thursday, 6 November 2014

What I Have Learnt From Tony Robbins and Jack Canfield

One single action you partake in today, either on your own or with a group, might not change the outcome of your life, but it may change someone else's. Postive forces are working in your life if you just open your mind to them. We need to reframe how we look at things. One thing Tony Robbins has taught me is that there are no failures only outcomes. That may be the greatest lesson I have ever learnt. Additionally to this, we need to learn to ask ourselves different questions. The cynical voice in our head usually succeeds in assuming the worst and being proven right because we are thinking the situation will turn out negatively. I have learnt from these two extraordinary men that it is our expectation of a situation to go wrong that is really stopping us from being who we want to be. We need to start asking ourselves positive questions. The two I have stuck on my mirror and on cue cards in the bags that I take out (to remind me) are: What Is The Opportunity In This? (Jack Canfield) and How Do I Want To Be Remebered? I might catch a glimpse of one of the cue cards at a party I go to, and I remember to take the moment for what it is, because I'm living right now, who knows what tomorrow holds in store?
I hope you liked it and could take away a plume of inspiration. If you did, I'd love to know about it. Likewise, if you have an issue you think I could help you out with don't be afraid to let me know. Anything that I can do to help I will try my best to do. Thank you for reading.

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 5 November 2014

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 20

Ellie wiped her eyes. She was ready for the onslaught. To her surprise Jamie never did ask why she cried. On a deeper level he must have known.

'I'm so sorry El, I know your time is especially precious at the moment,' he told her. He was at perfect liberty to be with this woman, without Ellie's knowledge, it wasn't like Ellie and Jamie were a couple. It wasn't like they were close enough to share those kind of intimate details yet anyhow. 'Want to head off?' Jamie asked assumingly. Could he read Ellie's mind?

'Don't you want to be with your girlfriend?' Ellie asked. She said the word "girlfriend" spitefully but luckily Jamie didn't notice

'Oh that - total misunderstanding but she's a big girl, she'll be all right,' Jamie smiled cheekily at her. 'That's my boss...' he added before Ellie zoned out into his crystal blue eyes. They looked cold when he was talking about her. No wonder he likes working here, Ellie thought. 'You seemed very comfortable,' she couldn't help the smallness and vulnerably of her voice. His small yet atheletic body shifted uncomfortably.

'It wasn't like that,' he said as he headed towards the door.

'You can't just leave her like that!' Ellie tried to laugh at the thought of leaving her like that, but the laugh sounded like she was crying so she disguised it in a cough. Ellie hesitated and stayed where she was.

'I guess you're right,' Jamie sucked his breath in. He marched back the way he had come looking like he meant business. Ellie took a deep breath and tried to compose herself in his absence. He emerged behind her a few minutes later. 'Ready to go?' he asked from behind her. He walked at the rate she wheeled herself out of the building so they were in sync. She suddenly stopped in his tracks. He walked a few steps ahead of her before she got the words out.

'What was that all about? Ellie spluttered. Jamie stopped and turned around to face her. It was cold day and the wwind slapped Ellie around the face. In that moment Ellie felt silly for asking the question. It could be something that happened every day - Jamie was hardly unattractive and his personality just topped the bill.

'My boss just offered me a job. Thought I wanted more. I didn't,' he told her simply. She wasn't sure sure what to make of the story, but hoped he elaborate when they sat down in the bar.

*Hope you liked it. What should happen in future parts? I'm open to all suggestions. Thank you.

Steph

XxX*

Sunday, 2 November 2014

How To: Cope With Waiting

Expecting & assuming the worst in all situations is human nature. From a young age we are not programmed to see the beneficial factors that are effective in our lives or the lesson that is waiting to be learnt. We are fearful of change because in general society's view it's a bad thing. However, little changes are happening all the time. Like the way a flower blooms, it may take its time to occur but you can be sure it will.

Waiting seems to take forever. And as in my case, if you're relying on other people who are not quick at the best of times, it really did seem to take forever! But you have to look at it with perspective, as I did. I know there are many people out there who are in a worse predicament than I am, so I held onto that nugget of truth and that kept me going. At least my senses don't fail me. I have so much, and I just think sometimes I ignore that and don't appreciate it like I should. Be appreciative of the small things, the minor changes that go on in your life as they are the things that add up to the big picture.

When the time comes for change comes you'll know. You can't rush it. Things happen in our everyday lives for a reason. You may not realise the reason right away, sometimes it can take years or even a whole lifetime unfortunately. It is frustrating to wait. But as it goes, I think waiting has actually made me a stronger person. I'm still finding out what I'm good at, as I've not had a job before and am in the process of learning my new one.

I hope you liked it & it has helped!

Steph

XxX