Wednesday, 30 July 2014

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 6

The following Monday Ellie got up bright and early. For once she was up before Kelly and it was up to her to wake Kel up. Kel slept through her alarm this particular morning. 'Morning Kel,' she said as loudly and enthusiastically as she could.

Ellie had had a long think over the weekend. About the boy she'd let steal her heart when she knew he didn't even want it. Like burglars just break in and take anything, she'd pinned Jamie down as one of those. They don't care who they are stealing from, they just take it seemingly if they can make money out of it. Ellie doesn't know why he took her heart though, because he'd be lucky to get 1p for it. Between reading she had thought of him, probably with Poppy right now. She would sigh, turn the page and get back to her reading. She was reading a story about heartbreak which didn't make it easy to forget about Jamie. The book was characterised with a girl called Kirsten who was very much close on giving up on love all together. There were parts from her own diary in the book, and Ellie was appreciating reading it. She was thankful that Tallulah had passed this one along to her because she needed it right now. It's funny how things fall like that, isn't it?

It's his loss, that's what I always think. If a guy doesn't see me in that way, it's his loss and maybe when we get to know each other further he'll change his mind, but I'm not about to lose sleep over it. 

That is a good way of thinking about things, Ellie thought. Maybe his mind will change, but for now just focus on being his friend. She wondered how the date went and hoped to see Jamie's face again but now he'd got what he wanted it was doubtful. So when she turned up at the office that Monday she was surprised to see Jamie sitting at her desk waiting for her. 'What are you -' she stuttered as he stood up at her approach. He moved his chair and set it down behind him. 'I'm here to help - so you can get on with reading!' he stated. He looked fine today. He really did. His blonde hair was spiked up and his blue eyes were bright. He was clean shaven and looking good. He looked at Ellie straight in the face. 'Wow. Thank you. You know I can't pay you,' she told him.
'Oh I know. I just want to help out - for a day or two...' Jamie's voice trailed away as the lift opened and  Tallulah emerged from it.

This unexpected circumstance had floored Ellie. She didn't know what to think. Jamie wanted to work with her? Why not Poppy? She might have to re-evaluate Jamie now. But he probably wanted to spend his lunch hour with Poppy so Ellie didn't get too lost in her thoughts. Then it struck her. Poppy doesn't have the same lunch break as me today. Poppy's lunch break was 12 - 1 and Ellie's was 1 - 2. She figured that Jamie just hadn't worked this out yet. Bless him.

Thank you for reading! What do you want to happen next? What is going to happen when Tallulah is introduced to her co-secretary?

Steph

XxX

Monday, 28 July 2014

I've been rubbish!

Recently, my laptop called it a day. I thought that's Ok, I deserve a week off anyway!

But now it's next week, and although I'm writing stuff behind the scenes, that is not being shared with you lovely people.

So please just know that while there won't be any youtube while I get my laptop looked at, I will endeavour to come on here and post the next part of the story, so get reading(!) and of course my How-To Sundays!

I hope you understand.

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 16 July 2014

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 5

Ellie wasn't too excited when Friday work had ended. She left the building after confirming that Poppy wouldn't stand poor Jamie up. Jamie had been in every day after the date confirmation to check in with Ellie.

'What kinds of flowers does she like?'

'What should I wear?'

'What time is it again?'

These were just a few of the questions he'd asked Ellie in her office, on her lunch break or as she packed up for the day. Ellie thought it weird that he asked for the time again, as surely it'd be cemented in his brain by now. But boys will be boys so she didn't spend too much time pondering over that one. It was Thursday after work the final question had been brought to her attention. Friday he did not come in at all. Ellie wasn't looking forward to the night, and would only stay for one or two drinks before sneaking off to get home and read some more. She had to make herself presentable but was rather humble with her make up as she wasn't the one who had to stand out.

She put on her favourite going-out dress and called Kelly to check how she looked. She could see in the mirror and thought she looked Ok but Kel had the outsider's perspective. 'Adorable,' was all that Kel told her. 'That man won't know where to look!' Ellie grinned. It was so sweet of Kel to say that. But he was hooked on Poppy and she looked nothing like the platinum blonde, able to walk, well postured girl that Poppy was. And Poppy was funny. Ellie had nothing on her really. She left her flat at quarter to eight, knowing it'd only take her 5 minutes to get to the place, but wanted to be there for their introduction. She worked with Poppy and had seen Jamie on a regular basis since she'd asked Poppy out on his behalf. She rolled into the bar, and was surprised to see that Jamie was already there. 'Ha, I knew one of you would show up early!' Jamie joked as soon as he saw her.

'You know it's a lady's prerogative to be 10 minutes late, don't you?' Ellie told him cautiously. 'Ah, ok,' Jamie muttered and then left his seat to get 2 drinks while they were waiting. They'd already discussed the drinks they would be having earlier in the week. He returned quickly and set down a Malibu and Lime in front of Ellie. He just had a beer. 'So how are you Ellie?'

'I'm good thank you, what about you?'

'I'm Ok thanks. I've been having a few since I've been here,' he pointed down at the full glass and laughed. 'How long have you been here?' Ellie asked, slightly alarmed.

'Since seven,' he replied.

'How many have you had?'

'Like two,' Ellie let an inward sigh of relief calm her. He wasn't drunk. She looked up at him. Those cute dimples could do it for anyone. She looked at his gorgeous blue eyes. She could lose herself in them. What was she thinking? This wasn't her date! Besides she didn't know if it was the drink speaking for her, which it could well be. She'd closed her heart off for such a long time but could this be ... Her thoughts were interrupted as Jamie stood up. She looked to the entrance and Poppy had just walked in. She came over to their table and said she guessed they'd started without her, looking at Ellie's empty glass and Jamie's half-drunk one. 'Sorry we both got here early!' Jamie laughed and Poppy rewarded him with a little kiss on the cheek. Her red lipstick left traces of where it had been on his cheek. 'Shall we go to the bar, get you joined in?' Jamie smiled. Poppy nodded so they wandered away, leaving Ellie to watch Jamie's drink.

At the bar Jamie confided in Poppy. 'I like Ellie. I mean, I really really like Ellie.'

'You have to get to know her, be friends before, she doesn't open up to very many people,' Poppy replied. 'So you got me here on a ploy?' Poppy laughed loudly as they made their way back to the table. Jamie was carrying a beer for himself and another Malibu and Lime for Ellie. Poppy was having a vodka and coke. He set it before Ellie and laughed with Poppy. Whatever had been said must have been funny, but Ellie couldn't help wondering if Poppy's laugh was more mechanical than true. 'I'm more than likely to head once I've had this one,' Ellie made up her mind and said. It was like the other two didn't hear her though. Their eyes were locked and there was a romantic spark there. Ellie downed her drink as quickly as she could and left. She couldn't believe she was having feelings for a co-workers new boyfriend (as he would surely become), feelings that for so long she'd denied herself from having. But she couldn't help it. Maybe love's arm really had reached out to her this time? She was being ridiculous. She knew that much.

Yet when she got into her flat, she broke down in tears. She'd only known him since Monday!
 
I hope you like it! Let me know what you want to happen for the next part,

Steph

XxX

Tuesday, 15 July 2014

My GlossyBox Review

I got my first Glossybox today - and I was so excited when I opened it. It came in a Red Striped Box with a dark blue lid with white stars on it. Basically the US flag themed box. In there I got Carmex Lip Balm which I was running low on - I remember thinking that last night!



A gorgeous shade of blue nail polish - Color Club Glossy Seal. It's really pretty and would go great with these new clothes I have recently bought. It's an outstanding colour. One you don't find everywhere.



Tarte lights, camera, lashes the 4 in 1 mascara. The description reads - A US mascara hero with lengthing, curling, volumizing and conditioning properties for healthy, longer lashes. And it usually costs £19.50 for the amount I have! It does really define my eyelashes and adds length. There are no clumps either which I'm always nervous for when I try out new mascara.



Bellapierre Cosmetics Ltd Mineral Lipstick which would normally cost £20. It's just my colour being in Ruby. It's a really good pigment which even lasted when I ate and when I put carmex over the top of it! I love my red lipstick and this is just fabulous!



ABSOLUTE New York Perfecting Eyeshadow Primer - now I don't wear eyeshadow very much - but I will test this out and I might wear eyeshadow more often because with a primer the colour should last! It does work but I'm not sure I applied enough colour to my eyelids.


Steph

XxX

Sunday, 13 July 2014

How To: Manage When You Feel Isolated


There are many reasons why you might feel isolated and there are of course different factors that affect you in ways I probably don't know. I am only giving my own personal view on isolation and ways to cope with it.

I have had many experiences of being alone because I live somewhere remote and all my friends lived miles away. My primary school was close to where I live - so it wasn't an issue in my childhood. Then the teenage years struck and everyone at my secondary more or less saw each other all the time because they lived close to each other. And I didn't. I have an older sister and two older brothers who'd been through this too but for an adoloscent social butterfly isn't easy when you live in the middle of nowhere. And my parents agree that nothing happens here so it's not a great climate for me to be in right now. That's why living at university was so good for me. It was real libertation and a chance to be in the middle of where it was going on. I was actually told at university that at least one person thought I lived London instead of the country! I want to move out of this area, the whole county because I know it's not boring everywhere, but that is what this county represents to me.

So what can you do to make yourself feel better about isolation? Keeping busy is a key thing, the less time you have to stop and think the better. I have made sure my days are filled with something, even if it is small. I post Motivational Mondays on Monday, Topical Tuesdays on Tuesday (make up/beauty on the way!), I post parts of my story on my blog on Wednesday, I post a link to Wisewolf on Thursday, I post a link to a positive song on Feel-Good Fridays, Saturdays I write and read and Sundays I post my How-Tos. I read a lot of the time and attempt to write. I always have music playing - from the moment I wake up until I go back to bed.

It is horrible to deal with and is especially hard as I'm not allowed medically to drive. Lately friends have driven up or caught the train up to see me which is lovely. It will feel better when I can get out of my house independantly but waiting for a 'when' is a lot harder than isolation itself. I don't believe in waiting for when's. I believe that if you want it bad enough you will find a way. But this 'when' is one that I do have to wait for. I don't believe that waiting for a 'when' can make you happier. I don't believe a 'when' can change your attitude or how you feel about life.

Hope this has helped! Thank you for reading,

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 9 July 2014

Things Are Not Clear-Cut Part 4

The meeting! Hope you guys like it,

'Hi,' Jamie burst. 'I'm Jamie!' he introduced himself.'You are incredibly pretty,' he stopped himself before he said something stupid. He didn't want to appear pompous. Well, this is a new one, Ellie thought. She was glad it wasn't someone coming up to say the brass thing, "What's wrong with you?" She smiled at him. 'Thank you, I'm Ellie' she said tentatively, fearing the interrogation to come next. That "incredibly pretty" comment was probably to soften her up. Jamie was pretty bad at this and didn't have a clue what to say next. So he tried the joke that Poppy had laughed at. 'I was seeing Mr Trezex earlier, he must have 3 French exes!' He told her, it wasn't the most original joke in the world, in fact he was sure she'd heard it before. She gave a polite little titter. 'Poppy liked that one too!' Jamie said, relieved that it had made her giggle. She had the most gorgeous, infectious little chuckle that Jamie had ever heard. Oh Ok, so he's one of Poppy's fans, she told herself. So why is he so intent on getting my attention? she asked herself. He must have seen me talking to her this morning, maybe he thinks I'm in her inner circle, she wondered. She had only been out with Poppy once before, but she would be as much help as she could. She didn't even have to ask for any more information before he provided it.

'Poppy is the only person I know here,' he said like it was a big secret.

'Have you been out with her?' Ellie asked. The lights were playing prettily in her eyes and Jamie looked mesmerized for a moment or two before replying. 'Not yet, I only just moved here, I don't know a lot of people,' he told her, lowering his voice.

'Well, you've got yourself another friend,' Ellie smiled. 'Now, if you stay here, I can see if I can sort something out!' Ellie wheeled off leaving him in her dust. What did that mean? Jamie wondered. He let it go, he can't read girls' minds! A few minutes later, Ellie came back her eyes bright and wide with excitment. 'You have a date for Friday night!' He gasped. She thinks I have a crush on Poppy, he thought. 'Will you be there?' he asked, his jaw dropping from disbelief. Didn't she know how jaw-droppingly gorgeous she was? he wondered. 'I wouldn't have thought so,' she said, watching the excitement fade from his eyes. 'Ok, I can be there, if you want,' after all she knew where it was taking place, at The Firecracker which was about nine minutes away from where they stood. 'That'd make me feel a lot better,' he told her. If she thinks that, maybe that's better for me, he thought. Then he could get to know her, without worrying her to look her best.

'So it's at the Firecracker which is about 5 minutes from this building at 7.30 this Friday,' she recounted. 'Ok,' Jamie said. Ellie hoped that by showing her moral support for Jamie meant she could leave after the first drink or first few because she had a lot of reading lined up for this weekend.

I'll go straight to Friday night in the next post, but what do you want to happen? Let mew know!

Steph

XxX

Saturday, 5 July 2014

How To: Not Feel Ashamed Of Yourself

There is no need to feel ashamed of yourself in this life. If you are feeling ashamed of yourself or anyone else that is not a life. If you are ashamed of yourself for whatever reason, you can't live. I know girls that are ashamed of themselves 'because they're not pretty enough' or 'they do things to themselves that are considered inappropriate'. Of course, those aren't all the reasons you can be ashamed of yourself but the ones I have experience with. Who says you aren't pretty enough? I know that the pictures we're surrounded by every day and our culture defines perfection as everything we're not, or something we may have a piece of, but not enough of. Perfection is defined as: the state or quality of being perfect: a person or thing considered to be perfect or the action/process of improving something until it is faultless.

It's unfair to measure yourself by this defintion. Because everybody is different. Perfection would be no fun. It is unachievible though. Anyone can find a fault in anything - so expecting perfection is unrealistic. Don't be ashamed when you don't measure up to perfection - although society nowadays craves it - no one can be, you don't know what those models or celebs who appear to be perfect do when the camera shuts off or behind closed doors. They are just normal people. Things go wrong in their lives just as much as in ours but they have learnt how to channel it into what they do - or they just don't announce it to the public and deal with it privately.

If you're ashamed of 'doing something that isn't considered appropriate' it's your mind you need to convince that it is ok. Nobody else has the right to be disappointed in you or make you feel ashamed of yourself. If you're regretting something that you have done, it's your mind that is your enemy. And it is not easy to convince it otherwise, it does take time unfortunately. But hopefully you can turn the volume down on that voice in your head that is criticizing you. I have personally gone through this - so I know it's not an easy battle to start or complete but it is possible.

Probably just me rambling again, but honestly if you do feel ashamed of yourself for 'not being pretty enough' or something, there is really no need for you to be. Get your head out of the magazines or whatever it is that is telling you you're not good enough, look in the mirror and say. 'This is me, this is who I am, and even if I don't know yet, that's Ok.' You are constantly growing, constantly changing so don't be held back by yesterday's actions because that's the past, there's nothing you can do about it now. Hope this has helped,

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 2 July 2014

Things Are Not Clear Cut Part 3


'Good morning Ellie!' her enthusiastic roommate, Kelly said soon after her alarm had sounded. 'Morning Kel!' Ellie returned her best friend's enthusiasm. The day set out and she was immediately lifted into a good mood. This was going to be a good day. She ate her honey on toast relatively quickly to have time to hop in the shower. Kel didn't bat an eyelid just set it up for her as was routine. Moving the wet wheelchair into the doorway had become natural to her now. She took about fifteen minutes in the shower and another fifteen drying. Her hair was still damp as she got dressed. When she was in her clothes for the day she dried her hair. 'Bye,' she yelled as she heard the door open. She knew Kel left for her seceratary job about now. 'Cya honey,' Kel replied before rushing out of the door. The door shut and locked - Kel was really security concious even though she knew that Ellie would be leaving ten minutes later. Ellie applied her make up next. It didn't take long to make her look good. She got her keys out to unlock the door to let herself out and locked it again. She understood her friend's worry about locking up and why she had to do it even when Ellie was still in there, emerging only a little after she had left. Ellie made her way to the Kurplzz building. She only lived five minutes away from the building so she was there for nine o'clock. 'Miss Benett is waiting for you El,' Poppy said as soon as she went past reception. 'Thank you,' Ellie looked up at her. Poppy was always looking good. She just had that gene. Just one look at her, Ellie could feel herself sinking into the background. Poppy stood out. Probably why she knew everyone. And she was amiable too, so friendly you couldn't help but be friends with her. She had platinum blonde hair, a perfect smile and a good figure. If Ellie wasn't in a wheelchair, she hoped she would have been like Poppy. 'You'd better hurry up,' Molly told her, snapping Ellie back to reality.

'Oh yes,' Ellie wheeled towards the lift. It was incoming, so it didn't take long until she was aboard one. She got in and people came in beside her and gawped at her. Not too obviously but the awe was there all the same. She just smiled at all in the lift and concentrated on the floor she had to get to. The 47th floor was where Miss Benett's office was. The lift arrived at the 47th floor and she got out to ffind Miss Benett standing outside. 'I'm sorry Tall,' Ellie remarked, seeing the impatient look on Tallulah Benett's face. She was Miss Benett's secretary and although it was a work enviroment Tallulah never let her call her Miss Benett. She didn't like her sur-name; it was far too common. Tallulah is in charge of the book franchise of Kurplzz. It wasn't Ellie's job to help Tallulah with reading or writing but Ellie took it upon herself to help out as much as she could. Maybe it was over-stepping the line but she didn't mind. 'Have you finished the book 'Fascination' yet?' Tall asked Ellie, walking back to her office. 'No, I'm on the last chapter, but it's really good so far!' Ellie exclaimed.

'Oh, it only just begins at the last chapter!' Tall told her. Ellie stopped and stuck her fingers in her ears. 'I don't want to know!' Ellie stuck out her tongue. 'Ok, Ok,' Tallulah sighed. 'Do I have a meeting today?'

'Yes you do, you're meeting the guy who wrote 'My Princess' at twelve,' Ellie confirmed. 'Pretty slushy title, pretty soppy book, basically him apologising and saying "I'll find my princess one day, but it's not you,"' Ellie remembered the by-line from that awful romantic novel which was more like an autobiography than anything else. 'Oh,' was all Tall had to say on the topic.

A few hours later, Ellie made sure Tall was clued up with every detail of the book, made sure she knew the right questions to ask and called the lift to go and get some lunch. She smiled at everyone in the lift, as always. She could feel eyes burning in the back of her head but chose to ignore it. It wasn't like she wasn't used to being stared at. She got out her little handheld mirror to check her make up. No splodges or clumps of mascara. So why was this guy at the back of the lift still staring? She looked at him through her mirror, which made the light reflect and dance crazily in the lift. He was really cute. If she had the chance she'd talk to him when she got out, considering he was going to the ground as well. The doors opened at ground level and she wheeled out first. He shuffled his way out a few seconds later...

Find out what happens...in the next part of Things Are Not Clear Cut!

Steph

XxX (What would you like to happen?)