Sunday, 29 June 2014

How To: Keep Believing In Yourself

Train your mind away from fear, hopelessness, dread, negativity, anger and jealousy. Begin believing in a more positive light towards things, and things might not always turn out for the best but that’s life. You can’t always have the sunshine or the rainbow, it’s either or because the weather differentiates much like life and the situations we find ourselves in. I know that many people in the world wake up to sunshine every day and there’s hardly ever change. And that’s fine for them. But I like the uniqueness of England that we seem able to roll with whatever the weather’s got in store for us.

This is no easy feat. When you feel the negativity creeping back in, you’ve got to be strong. It’s like having a load of bouncers or guards. Now hopefully the guards that are in your body are the happy, optimistic ones that make you feel wonderful but in case they’re not, repetition of a positive feeling or emotion is key. It certainly helped me, when climbing the brick wall with no footholds or things to hold onto it is a foothold that appears from nowhere. It makes you feel safe as well. The one I started out with, was ‘I am enough.’ Just that got me through so much. Believing that I was enough for so long, has caused me to know that it’s a fact now and as long as I keep propelling myself down this long and windy road I will always believe it.

Another great repetition is ‘I am strong.’ I can’t remember how many times I had to tell myself this before I became convinced it was true but it was a lot. And just like that, it’s easy to say ‘I’m stronger than …’ and replace the dots with whatever might be getting me down, has got in my way or has caused me to struggle and reorder how I approach a major moment in my life. Remember, pain happens in moments not always. Now it can be ongoing, and I sympathise with those going through immeasurable ongoing pain but you can either make light of a very dark situation or just give in. The giving in part isn’t for us. No, no, no because we are stronger than that. You can picture me as talking collectively to everyone when I say that, or it’s just between you and me. I know which way I’d prefer.

Hope you like it and it helped.

Steph

XxX 

Wednesday, 25 June 2014

Things Aren't Clear Cut Part 2

I've changed the name of Reality Sucks because by calling it that in a way I was implementing that it always would, if that makes sense. It's best to be positive, give things a positive name and hopefully that will reflect in your life. If that makes sense at all?

Part 2 tells us how he got into the situation in Part 1! Would you like me to write a part for her, explaining how she got there too? Or go on from the lift episode? Let me know.

Things Aren't Clear-Cut part 2

He woke up to the sound of birds chirping outside his window. He was alone. His roomate, another male, was out of town on business. So he woke up feeling very alone. He hardly knew anyone in this city, apart from his roomate Jeff. Oh, and the nice receptionist lady at Kurplzz, the very place he had a meeting that morning. He went about his usual morning routine, trying to fend off the feelings that were dragging him down. He'd woken up in an empty apartment. Yet again. He concluded, as he always did, that there must be something wrong with him. He meandered his way through four slices of toast before heading into the shower. When he was done in the shower he put on some jeans and a white top. He checked in the mirror that there were no stains on it before putting his jacket on. He swept his dark hair out of his eyes, ruffled it for the just-had-sex look and put his sunglasses atop his head. The sun wasn't shining right now, but who knew what would happen later? He'd rather have them if the weather did improve, he can't risk those blue eyes of his getting dazzled. He walked to the building, which wasn't far from his apartment. He said hello to Poppy, the receptionist who smiled at him and told him he'd be meeting with a Mr. Trezex today. They had a laugh about whether he had three french exes and concluded that if he didn't then he would with a sur-name like that.

He was told Mr Trezex's office was on the 50th floor, though he thought about taking the stairs he knew he'd be out of breath for the duration of the meeting if he did, so banished that thought almost immediately. He waited for the lift, making faces at the reflection that was a little distorted in the lift doors. Finally the lift arrived and he stepped in, realising there was no one behind him to take the same lift. He guessed his face pulling had put people off accompanying him but he'd rather that than have a lift packed to the brim. He soon was at the 50th floor - without having to stop at other people's floors - it was really quite liberating. He stepped out on the 50th floor and looked at his jacket in the lift's reflective but distorted doors before continuing to walk down the corridor he'd arrived in. He went into Mr Trezex's reception where the nice lady called Lacey told him to sit and that Mr Trezex would only be a few minutes. So he sat. Like he'd been cued by an imaginary ghost or something Mr Trezex came from his office introduced himself and walked him into his office, marked Mr Trezex.

Their meeting had proven beneficial to both parties and they both walked away smiling. Once his hand had been thoroughly shaken he walked proudly to the lift and one dinged as he came to the lift departure area. He got on board, failing to notice whether this lift was bound skywards and discovered it was. It was all right, he was sure it'd go up only a few floors before decending. It did go up only a few floors, but with the amount of people who came in, he got lodged somewhere at the back and with no way of reaching the lift keypad to tell it ro go down, he was stuck going up and down the lifts until the other passengers had gotten to where they wanted to go.

Hope you liked it.

Steph

XxX
 

Sunday, 22 June 2014

How To: Stop Your Mind Messing With You

Remember your mind plays games. It can make situations seem a lot worse than they actually are. And make you feel you’re not ready. It will do this by constantly bombarding you with negative comments.
Newsflash when you find yourself in situations like these you are ready. You are more prepared than you know. You are much stronger than you give yourself for. How far how you come to get here?


Your mind is a very critical object. It can make you feel weak. "Your body can withstand just about anything, it’s your mind you need to convince."

Our minds are dark places. They will convince you something will turn out badly. You have to interrupt your mind on these occasions. Please recognise the words your mind is using at these times. And correct them if they’re definite. You don’t know what will happen until it does. Don’t believe the worries you mind creates.

Bad things happen in life, granted. That is the way of the world. But if you keep believing that things will get better, a crisis won’t seem so bad. That’s really easy to say, and not put into effect but if you do, it will get easier to manage. I don’t know what goes on in your life, or what crisis may occur next in your life but I know that holding on and not talking to others either because you don’t want to, you don’t think anyone will understand or you feel you can’t for whatever reason can feel suffocating and make you feel like you’re in a trap. People will surprise you. They may be more understanding than you think.

Our minds work in the same way. Until you believe in yourself your mind will keep dragging you backwards. The only way to move through this life is forwards, so if you’re letting your mind control you you’re only going in a negative direction. Let’s make it positive.
Your mind will tell you that you’re not good enough to do whatever you’re doing this is when you need to interrupt the thought because YOU ARE GOOD ENOUGH. Yes, several things may need a few trials and attempts but you will get there when you believe that you are worth it. Because you, yes you, are.


Positive pre-position is all it takes. Believing that something will work out, I think we've gotten too hard on ourselves nowadays - with the press we think badly of mostly everything if it doesn't turn out to be perfect - and that's just the thing - nothing is perfect - we just have to work with what we've got - which is far from perfection (as I'm sure many of you are aware). We need to stop beating ourselves up because the pinnacle of perfection is unreAchable and just accept who you are. Believe in yourself and you might just change the world.

Thank you for reading. Hope this has helped. =)

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 18 June 2014

Reality Sucks: Part 1 Opinions



His mind was alert. He couldn't believe his eyes. He'd been riding the lift all the way to the top of the building when he's needed to get out at the ground floor but he had been at the back of a crammed lift and was too polite to push his way through the multiple bodies that were in the lift at the time. The doors had opened at the 47th floor and there she was. Wearing a short dress that curved in all the right places for her, she wheeled into the lift. Eyes turned to her the moment she put her brakes on quickly and efficently. She had a pretty face but she knew why people's eyes were on her. She'd learnt to dismiss the way people would stare or let their looks of pity rain on her. She would merely smile back and maybe they'd wonder how she could. She wasn't really concerned what was on people's minds after she'd smiled at them. She'd built up a barrier against worrying about that kind of thing. She couldn't worry about it. What had happened happened and she couldn't reverse that. People thought what they thought and there wasn't anything she could say that would change that. If their initial reaction wasn't positive, she knew that however long she spent with them wouldn't change their mind. It was sad, but that was the way life was.

She sighed. The lift had stopped on 9 more floors before reaching the ground, and though she had smiled at each one of the lift callers they had all gawped back at her. Maybe she was making herself conspicuous, but she didn't regret trying to spread some cheer into those boring office clerk types. Couldn't they see that there was more to her than how she was presented? But judgements were made in a blink of an eye unfortunately, and she was pushed from their thoughts almost instantly. Until the time she departed anyway. Everybody noticed. And if they felt sorry for her those looks would cross their faces again. She was so used to it she barely noticed anymore. So when they reached the ground floor, she got out effortlessly it seemed, turning back only to smile as the doors closed behind her. There was a guy of roughly her age looking back at her when she turned back around. She eyed up the lobby and wondered why he wasn't just going about his business. "It affects people in different ways," she thought. He was good looking but she didn't want to fall under his spell as in the past men had done this to her and then not been there to pick up the pieces.

What do you guys think?

Steph

XxX

Sunday, 15 June 2014

How To Believe In You When Everything Else Is Messy

Problems are personalised. That's why you can be like nobody else. We don't react in the same way, and trying to be like someone else can have bad consequences for us. What if we grow into someone we're not and deprive the world of our light? It may be dim but every star has its moment to shine. We all need to shine our own beautiful ray of light. It's different to everyone else's, you may not think it and you may not see it as being different but it is. I promise you that. We are all different for good reason, and every once in a while someone new will come into your circle and together you might just make the aurora. Be your beautiful self. If we were someone else, their spark might light us up but it won't last for long. If you are just you, your glow will shine.

Wanting everything now is a huge problem with out generation. Life takes time. Like a flower you plant, it may take months to fully bloom but it gets there. Life is all about patience. Think of how much you have grown whilst you're waiting. If you had it now; you're less likely to appreciate it. But if it takes time and effort you will be more appreciative, not to mention better equipped when it does. So don't let go just because it isn't happening this very instant. Good things take time. Beautiful things take time to bloom and plenty of rain, so just because you are going through a hardship right now doesn't mean it won't get better. Have faith, believe in yourself and your dreams. You may have to move boulders and many different obstacles to get there, but when you do you will feel you deserve it. Because you do.

Hope this helps,

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 11 June 2014

The Murder Scene

There was blood everywhere. There was a bloody knife sitting carelessly on the windowsill. If someone disagreed with his comments last week they just had to say. Not lash out in a vicious attack like this. Mrs White bless her heart doesn’t give her address out to anyone, just us select few in her writing group. She’s an old feminist woman with an old Tudor style mansion. I was the first here. Or so I thought. I heard a screech from the conservatory so I made my way in to be greeted with the sight of Mr Gardener’s dead body. I told Mrs White to phone the police and about 15 minutes after she did the copper’s showed up. Mr Potts sat next to me when we shuffled into the claustrophobic living room where we had been directed by the police. Mrs White has a beautiful way of taking a big room and filling it with furniture until it’s on the brink of messy. I looked at the people surrounding me. Penelope (the only other girl other than me and Mrs White) wasn’t here yet. She’ll get a shock when she turns up! Mr Webb was looked a bit shifty, hardly surprising given the situation. Mrs White looked shocked and shamed, that something like this has happened in your house I can only imagine. Steve Talkett looked horrified, just utterly devastated. And then there was Mr Potts who was trying to start a little bit of small talk, obviously trying to ease the tension that had built up between us.

*I have no expierence of being at a murder scene and these characters are totally fictional. Any characteristic they share with reality or real people are total coincidences. Hope you enjoyed it. Please let me know.

Steph

XxX*

Sunday, 8 June 2014

How To Be OK When Nothing's Happening

In your eyes anyway. . .

Things are constantly changing, and just because we can't see it with the naked eye doesn't mean it's not happening. Things are working behind the scenes for you.

Life works behind closed doors.

A lot of the time.

I know how stressful it can be for nothing to happen.

To fear that it will never happen.

You have to pull yourself away from this fear in this case.

It's scary.

I know it is.

You've just got to believe that the world works in allbeit weird but wonderful ways.

For instance, I had scandalous times at uni and they don't have to be over. Just because that time in my life sadly came to an end, when I get out of my house I can revive the Steph from back then!

It doesn't start 'when...' it starts now!

I am still that scandalous person just without scandal for now.

I truely believe my time will come and just because it's not happening right now it isn't a bad thing.

It's frustrating and easy to give over to pessisism and let that rule your headspace.

Wait.

A.

Minute.

It's YOUR headspace.

You can fill it with what you like.

It's hard to evade all the negative thoughts in your mind. Especially at times like these.

Just keep confirming to yourself that it will work out.

Say it out loud or write it down if you must.

Keep repeating this affirmation (yes, it's one of those) until you believe it.

You may feel a little silly, but it's good for you.

Something I learnt from Jack Canfield was to look myself in the mirror before I go to bed and say 'I love you'. Pretty deft telling your reflection you love it. But it goes much deeper, you're telling yourself you love you. And yeah, I laughed the first few times but after a while it just became part of my routine.

Hope this has helped, let me know if it has thank you!

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 4 June 2014

The Basketball Game

These pieces of original writing that I put up are not going to follow in a sequence or be about the same things and/or characters. I hope this is ok.

I wrote this piece with no prior information on basketball games (I probably should have researched) other than watching High School Musical! The piece is written about the preparation before a game...I hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

Jason paced up and down. The time was nearing. The time that could either make or break him. He wrung his hands in anticipation as he pictured what he had to do. His opponents were fierce; he knew he didn’t really stand a chance but he didn’t care. The men on the other team were 6 foot whatevers and he was a measly 5 ft 2. But he was fast. ‘Focus on the thing that makes you great, not the rest of the world. Focus on what you need to do to become number one.’ As Jason recited the words his father had said to him when he was fourteen in murmurs, the coach appeared at his side. ‘You know what you’re doing, we’re all counting on you Jase.’ This added pressure was one that outJason could do without, giving that his nerves were already breaking him to pieces. Then a wave of confidence struck him. ‘Yes I can do this. I am strong, quick and agile.’ He muttered to himself in the silence that surrounded him in the dressing room. The rest of the team were already out there, eager to get the game underway, but not Jason.. It was the make or break game of the season. It was the one where they’d either make it to a league or always be playing rather amateurish basketball. Not that his team were amateurish. John Sparks Keegan (called Sparks for short) was very tall and muscular, you would not want to meet him in a dark street even if you’re not intoxicated. Ben Macinrow has the menancing look about him but is as soft as a daisy. He is really good when Jason needs some reassurance that he is great; he can always rely on Macinrow. Kieren Meerman (the meercat) is a lanky figure who is always getting his nose broken or teeth knocked out.Then there’s Daniel Stevenson who’s a proper posh lad who went to Eaton. He’s tall and muscular but not an aggressive animal at all. Then there’s Steve Kirr (the firestorm) who’s tall, muscular and is a real man’s man. Then there’s Henry Boycott who’s a relatively chubby man. He’s built like a brickhouse though, and so he’s great for defence. Then there’s Malcom Fisher who is the talker. He can make a girl blush just by looking in their direction for a second, and he’s pretty fast. Not as fast as Jason though, and Jason needs to remember that. He is on the team for a purpose and there is no reason why he can’t prove it. Jason liked to reflect quietly, to get to terms with believing in himself before he faced any game. Jason looked at the clock. Two minutes until show-time Henry popped his fat head round the changing room doors to tell Jason it was show-time. ‘Let’s get this thing started then.’ Jason said, hauling himself from the benches and following Henry.

Thank you for reading,

Steph

XxX

Sunday, 1 June 2014

How To Deal With Bullying

This may surprise you...that I was bullied throughout my years at primary school and at least for half of the time I spent at secondary school. My memories of those times are good ones though, somehow I seem to have blocked out what the bullies did to me. But I do remember feeling worthless and like what I did wasn't good enough. I think everybody goes through that phase whether bullied or not. But it's especially harder on those people who are being bullied. I have to say at the time I didn't have a lot of places to turn. I felt like the world was caving in and I didn't know what to do. The first time I told my mum - who worked at the school. I don't really remember much about the first time - which comes to show that time is a great healer - other than my bully, some of her friends (who were secretly my friends away from school), a couple of my friends and I all sat with the headmistress to discuss the bullying when it came to a crux. I'm not going to name names of anyone who put me through this hell or stood by me for the purpose of being a good person and I'm sure they have grown out of it now and wouldn't like their name dragged through the dirt...even if it is only by me. When all the dust had settled...all I remember being told on that fateful day was that they were only jealous of the attention I was getting. Jealous of someone in a wheelchair? For getting attention? I know what you're thinking! But it was Ok. I came to terms with that. People can be jealous of you for very strange and personal reasons. That is all it is. Bullying is just jealousy. It is a more brutal way of showing someone that they're awesome but that is all it is. I wish I could go back and tell my six year old self that. And what's worse is my 6 year old best friend was moved to another school because she was being taken away from me. I'm sure there were other, more practical reasons why she had to go away like her dad's job changed or whatever, but that's how it felt at the time.

When I was 11 and just starting secondary school, I encountered the first of three bullies I would encapsulate at secondary school. I know you're thinking, well surely she's prepared for these now having already been through it once. But the fact is: I wasn't. I don't know if I thought: because it's a new place I'll surely be safer here or something. But it wasn't. I didn't tell my mum about my bullies at secondary school and it took some time to be brave enough to tell my new friends about it, but eventually I did. This bulling only ceased when she actually left the school and I was happy for a few months until the next bully made their formidible way into my life. This one was because I got attention from the boys I liked. And this 'bully' happened to fancy one of them. And then magically so did I. Or that was how they saw it anyway. This boy didn't feel anything towards me though, (as far as my history goes with boys this has always been the case) or my bully and as I later found out had been dating one of my friends who I knew only scarcely at the time. Somehow, I do have a very clear picture of a geography lesson that she was saying nasty things about me in and saying 'if I thought she was bullying me, I obviously didn't know what bullying was' and I retaliated by telling her the name of the bully I'd had at primary school who unfortunately enough came to the same school as me (Fortunately we were in different tutors, and I hardly ever saw her) which shut her up. This was about year nine and by the end of year nine most of my friends who were also her friends had fallen out with her. Onto year ten-eleven when one of the girls in a little posse decided to really not like me and take one of my best friends from me. I said something that slightly humiliated this friend and she saw caause to be really offended by it and leave my friendship behind to go off with these new 'cool' people. It hit me hard at the time. But as I grew up I got to thinking 'well, if she really was that good of a friend, she'd still be here.' Or at least would have fended/fought my corner against the 'cool' posse. Some people just get so tied up in the 'trying to be cool' scene that their case is better lost than saved. And the thing is, that bullying doesn't just last while you're in school. There are so many things that I would tell my younger self now. Things that I've learnt through dealing with all of my issues to this point. There's so much I wish I'd known back then. But that's the thing about life. People criticise to make themselves feel better about themselves. You shouldn't rise or oftentimes lower) yourself to their level. You learn stuff along the way which would be easier had you known it before, but you've just got to keep learning because who knows? All this stuff could come in useful someday. I hope there never comes a time I have to write about how I coped with bullying again, but I cannot say that I won't for definite.

So I hope this has helped anyone who finds themselves in a similar position to me. Write to me if it has. You can either leave it in a comment (publicly) or email me @ stephcarfrae@yahoo.co.uk if you'd like to keep it confidential. But it is important to tell someone - anyone - even if it is me - to get it off your chest and find help. I may not respond in the way you want me to or wish I could - but I am only saying what I say for your best interests. Keeping it inside hurts and the sooner you get it out the better. Hope this has helped.

Steph

XxX