Sunday, 29 December 2013

How To: Not Care What Others Think

Though it’s the festive time of year, it doesn’t mean that problems aren’t there. Though we’d like them to just fade away, they don’t, they might be masked or put aside for said special occasion, so I will continue putting these ‘How To’ posts up until I run out. I don’t know if they help in any way but by putting my own experiences into the world this way I’m hoping there might be someone who can take hope or inspiration from it.

You have to change your attitude. It’s just a fact. You know who you are, where you’re going in life and if people choose to judge you for whatever, that’s they’re choice. It doesn’t really matter. You’ll probably never see those judgemental people again. The people who matter will not judge you; they will take you how you are for who you are. Even if they judge other people. People think you have to be strong not to care, but you don’t. You just have to get to know who matters and who doesn’t. As long as you know who you are, and your direction what does it matter that people judge? As I’ve discussed before, I think it’s so sad that my generation judges people based on the way they are dressed or the way they act in a certain circumstance. I make a point of not judging people before I know them. They could just be having a bad day when they behave in a particular way, and just because it’s not the way I would act or dress doesn’t mean it’s wrong.

Everyone in this world is different. How I’ve handled something might not necessarily work for you. It may be someone’s last day on this Earth, that’s what I keep in mind when I look at someone and am asked to judge. I don’t think we have the right to judge people. I’m not going to be able to change the world and stop everyone judging – but I’m just saying think about it the next time you go to. Nobody knows what a particular person is going through – for all you know this could be their very last day on Earth.

Remember people that judge you, only judge from their past experiences. They are only judging from their current state of consciousness, which can’t be very high if they’re worrying about you and not themselves. People are generally self-obsessed. So while you are worrying about others judging you, they are probably worrying about you judging them for a particular action or the way they look/dress.

Steph

XxX

Sunday, 22 December 2013

How To: Be Happier


Make sufficient/productive use of your time. Realise that the gift of time we have is only here once, and so don’t get trapped in things that waste your talents or don’t make you happy. Time only gives when you’re finding out what you want to do. From then on it gets shorter. Now a lot of people don’t know what to do with their lives, many actually older people as well. They have just trundled along never really fulfilling their livelihood.

 

Ways to not get caught in this trap: lots of realisations about yourself (repetition is a great technique for believing these) and believing that anything is possible. Realise that: Yes, you are beautiful; yes, you can do whatever you set your mind to and somebody is always in a worse position than you; nothing can stop you if you want it bad enough. I’m sure there are many more, but to get you off the starting block!

 

You have to realise that although things may come to slow down your transit into what you want to do; they are only slowing you down not stopping you. Indefinitely. Things happen in our lives that are out of our control sometimes. No one can help it when these circumstances occur.

 

The biggest realisation in my life has been that I am enough. No matter what I do that’s the way it is. I am living up to no one’s standards but my own. And I am not reaching for perfection. Perfection is never something to reach for. If you did everything perfectly, and everything worked out perfectly where would your stories come from?  It may be a hard slog, you may be up against one of life’s fiercest storms [metaphorically speaking] but things will work out and sometimes it seems ineffectual to believe that, but you just have to to keep going.

 

Stop comparing yourself to others. I know I have already covered this but just to reiterate: no good can come from it. You don’t know anyone else’s backstories so you don’t know how far they have come to get to this point. Also don’t judge others for the same reason, and you’ll feel better about yourself. It may be a slow process, but when you don’t judge others you actually start setting more feasible standards for yourself. Because, no you don’t have to look perfect 24 hours every day. Sure, it’s a nice goal to aim for but far less feasible when you think about it. And since you can’t look perfect 24.7 you can’t be happy and kind all the time either. You have to have a balance. Moments of rage – which I release through noise (usually shouting) and moments of recollected silence.

 

The main thing I have learnt over my 21 years of life is to: be happy because you’re worth it. And because you don’t know if the sun will be shining tomorrow but if you go out there (into the world) with a smile on your face, well you just might make it peek out of the clouds.

 *I will not be posting a lyric on Wednesday this week for obvious reasons but will be posting next Sunday with another How To. I hope you are liking these 'How To Sundays' and it is helping.
 
Steph
 
XxX*

Wednesday, 18 December 2013

'Emotional Rollercoaster'

Now I wrote this when I was 16-17. I heard being sung in the voice of Mariah Carey. I hope yo like it! Comment on this post/Email me (stephcarfrae@yahoo.co.uk)/tweet me (@steph_carfrae) if you'd like to have a go at putting some music to the lyric.


EMOTIONAL ROLLERCOASTER

 

V1:

You had me feeling things I’d never felt before

But you didn’t want my love back then so no more

Will I surrender to your beckon call

I wanted you to be there to catch me when I fall

But you never were

And now I want you to know how much it hurts

 

Chorus:

You took me baby

On the emotional rollercoaster

Now you’re telling me you want to be closer

But baby you deserve a seat on the ride

I’ll wave to you and say goodbye

Have fun on the emotional rollercoaster

 

V2:

You had me dreaming of you every night

Still working out why we weren’t right

But never again will I stand at your demand

Come on baby I need more of a man

You were never that guy

So I feel it’s my time to fly

 (Repeat Chorus)

Look in my eyes

In years gone by you would have found devotion

But now I want you to see

All the pain and heart ache you caused me

Take a seat on the ride

I can’t promise you’ll be all right

Oh-oh emotional rollercoaster

I want you to see how you hurt me

It’s your turn and though I know your heart burns

This is something you need to go through

Cos the pain you cost me has taught me to

Never again fall for you.

 

Copyright © 2010 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

 
Hope you enjoyed that!

Steph

XxX

Sunday, 15 December 2013

How To: Be Stronger

I guess I was just sick of being afraid of life. I guess I found courage in all the broken hearts I’d encountered. I just thought, no this is not how my life is going to be. I’d seen how miserable life could be and I didn’t want to go there. I wanted to create my own path. But how did I learn this? I had been living a miserable life, so I knew that wasn’t the way I wanted to be. I knew there was a better way to feel. I just kept believing and I was able to be happy under my terms. I think it’s very important to find out how to be happy in your terms. For instance, I am not doing a lot at the moment because I can’t get out my front door (long story!!!) but I am content in what I do do at the moment, even if it’s not so invigorating.

I am breathing! That is an accomplishment. Everything that you do, every move that you make, is something to be proud of. It isn’t something that will just happen anyway, although a lot of people take it for granted. You need to learn to appreciate that you are alive and you can move around and even if you can’t, at least you’ve got a voice (or technology) to give you a voice. It’s not a very big thing in most people’s eyes, but it is a big thing and once you realise this it almost becomes a necessity to keep going, because although there are millions of people in the world only you can tell your story and no one can understand it better than you. Sure they’ll be days when you want to give up, but you’ve got to believe in yourself. No one is going to be better at being you than you.

A lot of people ask me how I got to be as strong as I am today. I don’t know what it is or was. I guess I’ve picked things up along the way. I’ve always had a belief in life – that it can be great and you could bypass all the heart break and loss and everything else that turns your world upside down – but why would you want to? Sure, it hurts for a while, maybe you’ll never get over such a tragedy happening but it will work out. Life knows what it’s doing. I don’t know how, and I don’t know why these things have or will happen to you but I believe that life will work out and be all right by the end. You’ll see.  

Steph

XxX

Friday, 13 December 2013

Review of 'Thirteen Reasons Why'

Today, I am reviewing a book I read again recently and has left quite a staggering impression on me since the first time I read it. It is called ‘13 Reasons Why’ by Jay Asher, and is published by Penguin Group. It is an international bestseller and it is not hard to see why it’s got such high acclaim. It touches me to this day, I remember reading it in my university room in my second year and just being breath-taken. It delivers such a clear, strong message in the space of one page. A single paragraph. A single line. ‘You don’t know what went on in the rest of my life.’ Tears sprung to my eyes at these words because I’m sure, like me, at some point you have made a snap judgement of someone and never thought about how your judgement has affected their life. The book envelopes the feeling of hopelessness which we can all relate to. Maybe not in this extreme way, but in a way. Who hasn’t been in a hopeless situation and felt like giving up? This story is a story of a girl who has given up and her reasons for doing so. It is a fascinating read. The blurb on the back runs as follows:

‘You can’t ¢ the future.

You can’t the past.

The only way to learn the secret

. . . is to press

Clay Jensen returns home to find a strange package with his name on it. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker – his classmate and first love – who committed suicide two weeks earlier.

Hannah’s voice explains there are thirteen reasons why she killed herself. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why..

All through  the night, Clay keeps listening – and what he discovers changes his life . . .

Forever.’

 It is an intriguing blurb that had me excited and invigorated to read it. The website for the book is: www.thirteenreasonswhy.com and it is by far worth a read. Although aimed at younger people, I believe we can all learn something from Jay Asher’s novel. Everybody you meet plays a part in your life, whether conscious of this fact or unconscious. Even though it is a teen novel, it is my favourite even as an adult, because it really makes you stop and think.

I hope you pick up a copy of this book and let me know what you think.

Steph

XxX

Wednesday, 11 December 2013

'Stop'

I wrote this lyric while I was at uni. It is based on personal experience. Whether it's about myself or someone else, I'll leave that up to you to decide. I claim this as my favourite lyric that I wrote at uni. Because it is. I hope you like it and I'll be happy to answer any question, suggestion for a 'How To' - don't be afraid to suggest one because if I haven't been through it personally - which you just might be surprised by what I have - I will do my best to research the topic. And don't worry - everything is confidential unless you'd like me to reveal it.
So email me at stephcarfrae@yahoo.co.uk if you have a topic. Stop being afraid! Quite relevant with the title! Anyway, I hope you like it.


V1:

You need to stop now

Cos our ship is going down

And I wanna remember

Happier times when we were together

I see the way you want this to end

But I’m not gonna give it up to you my friend

 

Chorus:

You need to stop

Stop fogging up my memory

Stop the hordes of your jealousy

You need to stop

Stop going so fast

Stop; make this moment last

 

V2:

One day you’ll slow down

And find it was you who missed out

And I wanna remember

Happier times that felt like forever

I see the way you want this to be

But I will not lie for you baby

(Repeat Chorus)

M8:

You need to stop

Fogging up my memory

It’s not yours to keep

You need to stop

Oh-oh you’re going too fast

Stop baby and make this moment last.

 

Copyright © 2012 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

Steph

XxX

Sunday, 8 December 2013

How To: Overcome Your Fears

To overcome fears, you have to believe that anything is possible. Not just tomorrow, in the next five seconds anything could happen. On my first day of university, I forgot about the fear of not knowing anyone and just got stuck in with conversations and such things. I forgot the fear of not fitting in because when it came down to it, there was no time to be. People will love and respect you for who you are, and if this certain group of people don’t, don’t be disheartened because you will find someone who does. Even if it’s only one person, it’s better than having no one.

I have recently got over the fear of answering the phone to strangers. I just treat them as old friends; friends I have that I have never met, or not seen in a long time. People tend to be more willing to help you out if you do this. It was a mistake on my part: the way this all started. But it got me over the fear. My friend was supposed to call me in a few minutes so I was waiting for my phone to ring. When it did I just answered without looking at the number and checking it was my friend. It wasn’t. It was someone else I had needed to get in contact with me, so while I greeted them with the ‘hey’ I normally reserve for friends, they told me who they were and explained that they would do what I needed them to. But that warmed them to me and we got on like a house on fire from then on.

You’ve just got to go into things fearlessly. If it’s a wrong move, it’ll teach you a lesson and if it’s right then you can bask in the rightness of your decision. Life often moves too fast to actually know what you got wrong or right, but when you look back you will realise what it was. Don’t fear getting things wrong; that is how we grow. And everyone gets things wrong. Because this world is more digitalized, we won’t always see the mistakes people have made, because their easier to hide nowadays, but trust me: it’s not just you.
 
Thanks for reading. Let me stress again, this is only how I have done it and am in no way saying yo should attempt it this way. But by putting my experience, I oe to help someone who maybe finds themselves in a similar situation.
 
Steph
 
XxX

Wednesday, 4 December 2013

'Echoes Of His Goodbye'

When T left school I wrote this! It was a sad time in my life, which I hope the lyrics reflect! It was a hard lesson to learn, but I think it was the best lesson I could have had regarding the situation!

It's called: ECHOES OF HIS GOODBYE

 

V1:

It’s no use chasing after a guy like him

It’s just no use playing a game you will never win

But still you don’t give up

You must be so in love

Or stupid to think he’s worth it

 

Chorus:

Cos he doesn’t notice you

But you’re smiling at him hoping one day he’ll see you

But what if that day that never comes around

And you are only left with the sound

Of your heart beat when he’s gone

You don’t know how to carry on

And all that you can hear

Are echoes of his goodbye and your lonesome tears

 

V2:

It’s no use chasing after a shooting star

It’s just no use cos he will never be where you are

But still you’re relentless

Your heart must be fearless

To truly believe he’s worth every penny

(Repeat Chorus)

M8:

Yes your heart will be ripped and torn

There’s no way back now

Can’t turn this thing around

Cos you say you love him

But it’s a game you’re never gonna win

So please stop believing in him

You think one day he’s gonna see the light

But it’s useless no matter how hard you fight

(Repeat Chorus).

 

Copyright © 2010 Stephanie Carfrae. All Rights Reserved.

If you want to help me and work some music to this either comment below or email me at stephcarfrae@yahoo.co.uk . If you'd like a 'Lyric your name' for yourself or someone else email me at the same address.

I hope you liked this. Thank you for reading,

Steph

XxX
 

Sunday, 1 December 2013

How To Stop Comparing

I read this yesterday http://writingundercover.wordpress.com/2013/11/29/your-one-wild-and-precious-life/ and I think it’s really important to know. Comparison very nearly ended a relationship with someone very important to me. It really is a killer. Comparison makes you feel like you are not good enough. We are all different. It took me some time to stop comparing myself to others, I looked in the mirror (yes, there again) and I told myself it was silly. Everyone has an amazing gift. If you haven’t found it yet, just have some patience, it will arise. I haven’t found mine yet.

Comparison is stupid. You are not like anyone else. And that fact should be celebrated. It’s a hard habit to break though, and I have to remind myself to stop comparing sometimes. I have a hard life, no one knows what goes on when the lights go off at night; whether I cry myself to sleep, or sleep peacefully, or read to switch my mind off. And I don’t share this with people not because I don’t trust them but because I know that everyone is overcoming hurdles that I know nothing about and I don’t want to bring my sadness to their door. Sometimes I do break down though, as some of my friends will know a few weeks ago now. But it’s not fair to compare my problems to someone else’s. Everyone is going through something, so though they may look like they have everything together, I can assure you, they are fighting a battle that you don’t know about.

That’s why I have such a big problem with judging people. You don’t know for a second what is going on in their life. Like comparing yourself to someone else, you don’t know what they’ve been through to get to this point, nor do you know what they’re battling against right now. Just take things as they are. Things are always changing, even if they don’t appear to be. There will always be people who can do thing better than you, but only you can put your own stamp on it. Don’t deprive the world of your stamp. You will find the thing you can do better than anyone else someday. Don’t panic. I’m still waiting.  

Thanks for reading,

Steph

XxX